Making The Difficult Decision to Quit My PhD
PhD Dropout to OnlyFans Model Ture With Zara Dar, I’ve dropped out of my PhD. I’ve cried so much over this decision to quit my PhD, you know, because it’s a stressful decision, not that I’m particularly sad about it. I’ll get into all of that in a bit later, but moving on to doing OnlyFans and content creation full time, it’s not just a career choice, it feels kind of like a gamble on the direction of my entire life.
The Emotional Struggle of Letting Go
Some days I wonder if I’m making the right choice. You know, when I open LinkedIn and I see the pages of all of the people who are my age, who already have three years into their careers and are climbing the ladder with senior level titles, it stirs something in me.
The Fear of Leaving a Structured Path
I start to feel a twinge of jealousy imagining what it would be like in their place. I’ve spent the last couple of years in grad school whereas many of my colleagues from undergrad got jobs directly afterwards. So I guess I will always have those advanced degrees with me.
The Allure of a Traditional Career
But I can’t say that I don’t like the idea of wearing a polished suit and walking into an office where I have people working with me and working on a project, or even the alternative route of becoming a professor and having students work for me.
Seeing My Peers Succeed in Corporate Jobs
where I have my own lab and I teach my own course and thought of sitting with my team to come up with solutions to a certain problem or even find something new, learn something new and then applying that knowledge. And writing papers gives a sense of fulfillment, you know?
The Attraction of Stability and Structure
There’s some sort of camaraderie in those environments and a structure that I think I’d enjoy and of course not to mention the outfits. I mean come on, I have so many professional outfits that have never seen the light of day just because I have nowhere to wear them to and of course I keep buying them. And part of me wonders if I’ll miss the chance to experience that life and that lifestyle.
The Harsh Realities of Academia and Corporate Life
But then I start to think about some of the trade-offs. Those same people whose lifestyles I thought I envied are tied to someone else’s vision and someone else’s pace. They’ll spend their lives working for a company, doing things that they don’t necessarily enjoy, and of course without the recognition that they deserve.
The Hidden Struggles of Professorship
Their work might win someone else fame and wealth while they stay in the background, expendable. They’ll constantly worry about getting laid off, planning their lives around their salaries, budgeting to pay bills, and likely renting a place to live or being tied down to a 30-year mortgage. Vacations are rationed and squeezed into limited paid time off days.
The Corporate World: A Cycle of Invisible Effort
My path, on the other hand, is different. It’s freer in ways that feel both liberating and, to be honest, a little terrifying. I’m no longer bound by the expectations of an academic institution or the constraints of a corporate office. I can comfortably wake up each day and decide what I want to learn.
The Trade-Offs of Traditional Career Paths
diving into topics that genuinely interest me and not just those deemed important by a funding agency or a company’s bottom line. And when it comes to research, I’m no longer bound by the pressure to publish for the sake of tenure or grant applications.
Choosing Freedom: The Leap into Content Creation
I can write papers independently, not because I need to meet a quota, but because I genuinely want to contribute to something. Everything that I create will reflect my own ideas, my own creativity, and my own ambitions. And of course, the best part is that everything I build will be entirely my own. I’m not contributing to someone else’s legacy or bottom line. I’m building my own brand and my own future.
Embracing Financial and Creative Independence
and all of the effort that I put directly benefits me. The rewards are mine to enjoy. For example, although my OnlyFans has been a side project while I pursued my PhD, I’ve been able to make over a million dollars. With that, I helped my family pay off their mortgage, I bought myself a car, and thankfully I avoided taking out any student loans. Now I have an investment portfolio and I’m planning on buying my own house soon.
The Rewards of Building My Own Brand
So, all of these achievements are just reminders of the tangible rewards of carving my own path and the freedom that comes with it. But even with this freedom, I am genuinely terrified. I fear not having that external competition, no one to measure myself against, and that it will make me complacent. Will I push myself enough without the pressure to outperform others?
The Fears and Challenges of My New Path
And of course, there’s also the opposite case, that my drive for more will take over. What if I never feel satisfied, always chasing that next milestone, the next goal? Will I lose sight of myself and values in that relentless pursuit?
The Absence of External Competition
Of course I want to enjoy the life I’m building and feel the rewards of my labor, not just keep pushing forward endlessly. Then there’s also the fear of settling. What if I get stuck in a place that feels just right but not great? What if I accept less than I know I’m capable of?
The Risk of Losing Myself in Ambition
And what if, in trying to avoid that, I push myself into something that I’m not entirely comfortable with, forcing myself to fit in a mold that doesn’t feel natural? It’s overwhelming, but when I look at the bigger picture, I know I’m better off than most people my age,
The Fear of Settling for Less
or even those that are far older than I am. That’s part of why I chose to leave academia. Just for some reference, a professor in the US earns around $100,000 on average, but the job isn’t what most people imagine it to be.
Why I’m Confident in My Decision
or at least it’s not what I thought it would be. Instead of spending their time diving into research or contributing to new ideas in the field, most of their energy is spent writing grant proposals and fighting for funding, which based on my firsthand experience working with several professors,
Breaking Free from Societal Expectations
These funds often go to those at more prestigious universities regardless of whether they’re more qualified. Additionally, their students often do majority of the hands-on work and the professor acts more as an administrator. It’s a life filled with constraints and obligations, not the idealized pursuit of knowledge I once dreamed of. So what about working in the industry?
Well, the reality is that it’s no better. Big tech for all its allure of innovation and opportunity is a world where the individual contributions are mostly invisible. The work you pour your heart into is rarely attributed to you.
Instead, it pads the pockets of the executives who sit at the top, taking the credit and the glory for your work. Employees are treated as interchangeable, expendable. Every job comes with that silent anxiety of layoffs, the knowledge that your position is only as secure as the next quarterly earnings report. It’s a precarious, thankless existence.
The Power of Self-Determination
One that I think would stifle my creativity and autonomy. I know that I’m choosing something harder but in the end more fulfilling. This journey isn’t easy but it’s entirely mine. I wasn’t born into a wealthy family or handed opportunities on a silver platter.
Learning to Be Kinder to Myself
Every step forward I take, every milestone I reach will be the result of my own vision. That thought on its own is intimidating, but it’s also incredibly empowering. It’s a reminder that I have the freedom to carve out a life of my own on my own terms.
My Life is a Work in Progress
A freedom that so many people will never experience because they are just too afraid to break the norms that are set by society. And perhaps most importantly, I need to learn to be kinder to myself.
Embracing Uncertainty and Growth
I have the tendency to be overly critical, always pushing myself to do more, to be better. But I’m realizing that this growth doesn’t always come from harshness. It also comes from compassion. And I know that if I want to thrive in this new chapter, I need to give myself permission to rest, to make mistakes and learn from them without the guilt or self-punishment.
Carving Out a Life That’s Truly My Own
This life I’m building is like a masterpiece in progress. Every choice I make, every challenge I face, and every success I achieve will be a reflection of me. There’s no blueprint, no guarantees, but that’s what makes it exciting. It’s mine to create and I know deep down that it’ll be worth it.
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